Nothing There

Nobody wants to die...and neither do I.
But what would it be like if we were to crave death?
Must I be sad and lonely and feel life is bad
To crave and yearn for the last breath.

So many things that hurt me I cannot understand...I cry...why must I be put through the joy and pain...over and over again. To lift me up and then shut me down...the thought of knowing it goes down is really much worse than the joy of knowing things will get better. But unlike the latter, I can always feel that its going to be sad.

Maybe I'm scared but it is who I am...how do I be strong and avoid this...I don't know. It's like you always wonder how you'll feel at your last moment...the inevitable...u distract yourself and say hey its a long time more...but it's coming...surely and you will go through it.

Make the best of life is what people say, so when it comes you'll feel worse that you lost it all. Is there a consolation? Is there a heaven? Even if I take the route of sadness I lose...so is life just a losing game?

Is there nothing there that makes this worth it?